


"Enigma" Variations: Nimrod

by Danaeka



Series: Death Can't Be My Release [4]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Heavy Angst, Immortal Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves and Vanya Hargreeves are Twins, POV Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Vanya Hargreeves-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26249026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danaeka/pseuds/Danaeka
Summary: Something quite… Cruel, they were all there, Numbers from One to Four, resting peacefully, Number Six had grown to sleep earlier, Number Five would be joining soon as his bed time neared, his spot was empty, reserved... Her's wasn't...
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy/Vanya Hargreeves
Series: Death Can't Be My Release [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866841
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86





	"Enigma" Variations: Nimrod

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blackat14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackat14/gifts).



> WARNING 
> 
> this is HEAVY angsty, this was not beta read, since this WAS SUPPOSED to be for Fiveya week... But you know those inspiration boosts you get at THREE in the fucking AM?! Yeah... Had one of those... 
> 
> Also this is a gift for her so... I wasn't about to have her read and proof her own gift...

It was funny, funny how many things could go wrong in life, funny how, even if she had hoped her immortality didn't escalate to natural effects, she hadn't aged a day over thirty. Vanya hoped and prayed to whoever was up there to let her age, let her wither away as the rest of her family…

Lifting her bow, she placed it between the bridge and the neck's end…

Vanya noticed…

Claire, Claire was older than her now, Claire has kids who had children of their own and… Those children were the same age as her with babies that eventually will be older looking than her. Allison's roots had turned gray, her once delicate and smooth skin had turned not so spotless. Her voice got shaky, she got tired of talking for long periods of time. Allison had seen how her grandkids would run after each other and now… Now only Vanya could keep up, up until a few years back, Five had been running behind her, and he would sit at the porch talking with his niece, they looked more natural than her and him…

Vanya noticed…

Diego had kept his attitude, his snarky, snarky and impulsive attitude, he had still managed to grab the children as they ran past him in the halls, had still managed to carry the babies that Claire's children birthed recently, had still tried to smile and tried to laugh at the jokes the younger told. Vanya felt so sad, that had been the man that had once yelled at her, yelled with such emotion, raw and crude for her book… And he had turned into a shaky pile of bones and stretched skin… his eyes had looked so discolored… So out of place, lacked that fire they held in his younger years… He had desperately tried to mask it, hide it… But…

Vanya noticed…

Luther had gotten weak, no longer had he been able to lift the little kids… no longer had her been able to playfully carry Allison up the stairs while all of them laughed on the staircase base… No longer… His eyes, he had gone partially blind, Vanya took him to his doctor's visits, Vanya sat with him in the waiting room, many people assumed she was his daughter or his granddaughter… Cruel… Cruel cruel world. She felt how he had squeezed her fingers tighter back then, how secure she had felt… How alone she felt now…

Vanya noticed...

Klaus had looked younger than them, but he had also looked older than her, her twin, the one that had been together with her since birth, the one who literally held her before her mother had the chance to reject them… He had also gotten old, Vanya didn't want to see this, her hands dug the shoulder rest on her clavicle, on the fabric of the suit she wore, gripped her violin bow tighter… Klaus had gotten old as well… her finger shook and she missed a note, no one seemed to mind as she fixed it quickly…

Vanya noticed…

Five was not young anymore, fifty eight to be specific, not as old as he could've been (given his actual life span) but, old enough to get tired climbing stairs, old enough to catch his breath with a hand on his chest and… Old enough to stop deeming himself worthy of her. Vanya had taken notice of this, she saw the way he hesitated to place his hand on her hip like he used to six or so years back, Vanya had taken notice how his stare would linger at younger looking men and how he would sigh while shaking his head…

Vanya noticed…

A soft breeze blew through the outdoor place, her bow tighter at her grip. She couldn't lose now, not… Not now and not ever!

Think of something nice…

Back then Vanya had told Ben her desire to have children of her own, watch them walk, watch them laugh and make noises, learn their first words… Vanya wanted that for her herself. Was it so much to ask? As for a family, ask for company, ask for courage to let her feelings be known… Ask… Ask for anything, voice her pain… Let it show!

She just couldn't…

So her music became her voice, the strings of her violin, her vocal cords, she poured herself into that song, that horrible horrible song she learned all those years back to play at an occasion she hadn't wanted to attend, but no other musician was available, and she wanted to at least contribute that…

Her eyes lifted from the strings, from her fingertips bleeding from the force she gripped the cords at… At a stop in the piece, since this was usually played along with a piano.

Vanya noticed…

They were all resting … All asleep in a release she was never, never going to be granted, she didn't have that luxury, how ironic… Her only way of dying was to let her out, let her completely lose, let her gain control of her body in grief and hatred and pain and suffering…. But she didn't want to damn the whole world as well for her curse! For her own burden! No one else… No one else deserves this, every one deserved to laugh and make friends, have a family and grandkids…

Just not her…

She didn't deserve that…

Vanya noticed…

She was the only one stuck, she was the only one who time itself didn't dare to touch! She was the only one… None of her siblings… None, none of them would see in the afterlife… Luther wasn't reuniting with his math tutor from their young age, or with his best 'man'...

Her bow trembled…

Rain began to pour down. The small water droplets would definitely ruin her violin, a professional, custom made violin Allison gifted her on their fiftieth birthday… And yet she couldn't help herself, she kept playing, the piece almost ending. She gritted her teeth, letting her hair cover her eyes because… Because, looking at the seats under the black canopy… she noticed…

Vanya noticed...

No face was the same…

No one she grew up with was there…

Finally, finally the piece ended… She lowered her bow but didn't lift her eyes or face, someone pulled her into a hug, and she buried her face in the familiar scent. Crying softly…

Hours later…

Vanya noticed…

Something quite… Cruel, they were all there, Numbers from One to Four, resting peacefully, Number Six had grown to sleep earlier, Number Five would be joining soon as his bed time neared, his spot was empty, reserved... Her's wasn't all of them were going to rest and finally be free of the chains just being born had places on them… And Vanya wasn't..

Vanya noticed...

There was no place for her…

**Author's Note:**

> 👏🏻THIS👏🏻IS👏🏻WHY👏🏻YOU👏🏻DON'T👏🏻LET👏🏻ME👏🏻WRITE👏🏻AT👏🏻THREE👏🏻IN👏🏻THE👏🏻FUCKING👏🏻MORNING👏🏻
> 
> if you still don't know what this is about... Or you're in denial and don't want to accept... Look up the song's name on google....
> 
> This is my cue... Byeee


End file.
